Tiger

How long does it really take to know someone? It's a very valid question and based on this particular gentlemen, it's a reminder that we are all human. I never would have guessed it. Those who trusted Bernie Madoff never would have thought someone would have the kahunas' to do such a thing. The "pedestal" effect is a killer for so many. To think someone is super human, beyond reproach, and just a good guy is not true. It's actually quite impossible. I am even disillusioned about our current President. He promised so much, has returned so little and looks like a wolf in white/black sheeps' clothing. C'mon, that was kind of funny. I always want to remain hopeful. I would like to believe that integrity outweighs any personal gain. I like to dream about peace, serenity and happiness, but the norm is insanity and that feeling of being just a little bit superior to someone hit so hard like Tiger. Yes, he is responsible for his mistake and will have dire consequences. The man fucked up and we thought we knew him. How long did it take for people to figure out that Rome was fallling?

Reflection

My mother called today and said, "I was just thinking about you and what a good girl you are". I burst out laughing and responded with, "You couldn't always say that huh Mom"? There was a time when I was the blackest of the sheep, the baddest of the seeds, satans spawn and the problem child. I knew it and so did everyone else. I dealt with addiction, homelessness, mental illness, violence and very low self-esteem, but then I ask myself, "Who hasn't"? I don't think I'm unique or special because I am aware of the possibility of repeating my own history. What I do know is that I appreciate what I have received in this second life and give thanks to those who stuck by me despite my problems, seeds and undying love for Satan.

Mother Of Invention

I recall the day my sister got a cell phone and how I warned her about radiation, brain tumors and other deadly carriers that the phone may produce. That was in 1998. Here it is 12 years later and I couldn't disagree more. How did I come to this conclusion? I lost the damn thing for a 48 hour period and any fried out memory loss was inconsequential compared to the desperation of finding my beloved Google phone. It had ALL of my numbers, pictures, email info, codes, notes, and a special ring tone for my favorite people and it was GONE. I remember where I used it last, recounted the steps, blamed a cat, cursed the Lord's name, and eventually gave up. My "special" friend offered to help find it, so we retraced, back tracked, and she could not find it either until I called my phone again. I did it alone the day before, but when I did it with her we could both hear something humming. We checked cushions, stripped the Xmas tree of its skirt, checked the cats parts and dialed again. She looked to her left and there it was, my beautiful, dangerous, cancer causing phone camouflaged on the back of a black chair. It brought tears to my eyes.

Stray Part Tooie

Here is the follow-up to the stray cat strut story. Brown-brown is the official name of the baby cat that Annie saved. She is also known as Brownie, B-Rownie and what can Brown do for you today? In the earlier post I said I didn't know what gender the little thing was, but it turns out that she is a girl. We brought her to the Vet and she was sooooo good. At first he thought she was pregnant because her abdomen was so big. It's great to know you have a whore as a new cat. She is cute, damn cute, but Annie and I didn't want her to have kitties. The doc also couldn't tell if she was spade, so he had to shave her to see her parts. She went limp whenever the doc or assistant picked her up and had this humble look like, "do what you have to do, but could you hurry it up.... please"? At one point, one of the assistants came in and said, "Is this your scared cat"? We got a second opinion from another doc that she was spade, without child, and she was probably five years old. She received her shots, had her little blood drawn, and utlimately got a clean bill of health. We were relieved new parents and brought home a healthy five year old baby girl for only $270.

Anecdote

Yesterday I had to scrape the ice off of my truck, warm it up and drive quite slow due to the "black ice" reported on the news. BTW-the term black ice is racist. How bout just "ice, ice, baby? Is "white ice" a desert? Who the hell decided it was black? It just doesn't make sense except to a dude like Jesse Helms. Anywhoo, I live in Seattle, Washington and upon my journey to drive on I-5, I looked around and saw frosty rooftops, a lightly falling snow and cars exhibiting exhausting pipes. I said to my shivering passenger, "I feel like I'm in Pennsylvania". She said,"yes it's true, although I've never been there before".

Finalists-Last Turkey Standing

Hey there-it's hard to write when you can't see over your gut. To say I was a glutton on Thanksgiving would not be true, but I overate and the last thing I could do was think. It's such a strange holiday. Isn't it? Annie and I woke up to squishy rugs in her basement apartment. Damp rugs on bare feet can produce the same effect as a mammogram (prior post)....a little pee due to shock. Seems as though the CONSTANT rainfall caused the old basement to leak and the poor landlord was not happy to get the 7:30 am call. All went well and help was on the way. We went over to a friends house (nine years in a row now) and had a fab time! It seems as though all I did most of the weekend was eat leftovers, watch tons of football and complain. Gratitude be gone!~ I should be thankful I'm not a turkey.

Mammy-O-Grammy

To have a mammogram or NOT to have your breast squeezed in a cold, hard, vice more powerful than George Foreman pressing down on a grill? The controversy continues and according to an independent group of researchers, it's ok NOT to get them checked until you are in your 50's. REEEEALLLY? That news could have saved me alot of bullshit over the years. I've gone to the mammologist five times in the last ten years and everytime it's as if I put all my chips down on the roulette table. It's the 21st century and I still have put "my hands in the air like I just don't care" in order for them to get a good shot of my headlights. When that machine comes down on my breast, its so cold, I feel inclined to pee............just a little, but I flex the ole' kegels and put on a smile. Olan Mills was a breeze compared to this. After that, there is the waiting while the doctor looks at the film. There should be posters in the room while people nervously sit on their hands. "Hey, don't worry about chemo, all the cool kids are doing it", or "Bald is the new blonde". Cancer doesn't run in my family, it sprints, and my job is to be accountable to my friends and family by trying to stay alive. I will continue to get them no matter what the doctors say because I don't want to be running around in a T-shirt that says, "Lymphnomaniac".

Stray

When my partner Annie moved in to her new apartment in September, she didn't know that the place came with a cat. We soon discovered an emaciated, little brown silhouette that would stare in the windows and then dash away. I didn't pay much attention, but Annie started letting it in through the bathroom window. Little muddy paw prints lined the bathroom sink, toilet, floor and shelves. If wanted by the FBI, we certainly had the proof. I call the thing "it", not to be disrespectful, I love cats, I didn't know what "it" was. Other times I called it "brown, brown", "brownie" or "little shit stalker" There was a day not too long ago when hail balls were being thrown at us and the wind was whipping and Annie couldn't leave it. She brought the little thing in from under the house. It was puffed-out, tiny, hopeful and starving, like a meth addict ready to go to treatment. Annie's mother came to town and told us we needed to accept the cat as our very own and after much discussion, we did. We looked her over and it seems like she has a vagina, but one can't be certain these days, after all, we live in Seattle. We are taking her to the vet to get her all checked out. The two other cats that live here are not fond of "Brownie" and they will just have to work that out. Cats howling, and hissing puts me on edge and I want to mediate and say, "Why can't we all just get along"?

Secret Love

I am a fan of Richard Attenborough. He is a terrific actor, but what I like best are his wildlife shows. Tonight I'm going to watch Whales: An Unforgettable Journey. I like to say it's an IMIN movie because I have a 25 inch screen and an old DVD player. The whales look like guppies, and Attenborough looks like Santa, but I dig it. The best movie I ever saw in IMAX was the eruption of Mt. St. Helens. You'd think I would recoil from Washington after seeing that film, but hey, we're all gonna be ashes someday anyways. Attenborough's enthusiasm is contagious and he can make a school of fish getting eaten by sharks seem like a beautiful crime scene on Law and Order. It's natures way of murdering, and that's ok. Along with my adoration comes shame. I don't go out and tell everyone that the latest flick I got on Netflix was Planet Earth: The Complete Collection. I believe there is some psychological link to Marlin Perkins on the Old Mutual of Omaha Show and Steve Irwin. Irwin was a dink and frankly he had it coming. Marlin just got the hell out of the way and made his camera man do everything. Chump. Attenborough does get close to the animals, but with his superior British accent, safari hat, or cute little polar outfit, the animals get a feeling he is almost too "good" to eat. The kingdom could get upset with the one who swallowed the director of the movie "Ghandi".

Websites, Peacocks and Parasites

Good morning. I was up early working on my website.
Comcast Cable is set to buy up most of NBC, but they seem to
have forgotten me. The wireless internet gal who is TRYING
to get crap done. My wireless has been disconnected several times
and if I have to call, email, reboot, unplug, or switch cables again,
I'm threatening to hang myself from a short chandelier.
Don't they know that it is my money (and probably
yours too) that will help them pay off Jay Lenos' contract for
his sucky new show? There is nothing more pitiful than a sick
unplumaged peacock. I recently saw one at a free petting zoo
outside of Leavenworth Washington. That coupled with the
aggressive, spitting El Paca caused me to skip the gift shop and tear up the highway. I hope they get new owners, and that Comcast is not interested.

Rainy Days and Mondays

always get me. Down. Yes. I should get up.
Percolate. Bite. Swallow. Hat. Umbrella Up.
Tilt head. Down. Drive. Run. Enter. Wet Soles.
Shuffle. Shuffle. Wipe. Shake. Sit. Down.
Always get me. Down.

Over it.

I am at a coffee shop once again because my connection
at home is a drag. Literally. I am over here in West Seattle
trying to figure out why I have two blogs. I have this one
and another one and who knows, there could be a third.
Four cops just walked in and I thought they might arrest me
for overblogging. It's not illegal yet, but I am thinking
it should be. Two coffees and a cookie later, I haven't made
much progress. I was too jacked up and paranoid.
Later.